The Damn Fool Read online

post office of his forwarding address. He pushed the postage free card towards

  the clerk.

  "Mail drop is over there," the man said, jerking his head to the right.

  "Have I offended you in some way?" Lance asked.

  The clerk shook his head negatively. "Why do you ask?"

  "My mistake. You just don't seem as friendly as the postal clerks in Charlotte."

  "This ain't Charlotte."

  "It certainly isn't."

  The rain was now pelting down in sheets and Lance dashed to his car. A bolt of

  lightning flashed across the sky and the Taurus seemed to tremble with the

  following rumble of thunder.

  Lance turned on his headlights and drove slowly, carefully, towards his farm,

  dreading the steep grade of the dirt road. It was worse than he feared. The

  driving rain turned the narrow road into a river of mud. He dropped the gear

  into second as he approached the steepest stretch. His heart pounded as the

  lightning flashed, thunder barked, and the U-Haul began to fishtail slightly. He

  felt the Taurus wheels slipping on the slick surface and slightly increased the

  pressure on the accelerator.

  He relaxed as the road leveled out, but a brilliant flash and immediate clap of

  thunder caused his knuckles to turn white as he gripped the steering wheel. Once

  parked, there was nothing to do but wait out the storm.

  Flashes of lightning revealed a confusing scene in the clearing. He recognized

  Buddy's truck and Toni's car, but the other five vehicles were a mystery. He

  felt disgusted by the huge pile of twisted metal and another pile of splintered

  lumber and other debris.

  Gradually the streaks of brilliant light moved towards the east and the volume

  of the thunder decreased, but the rain continued to pound the top of his car. He

  hoped it was washing off the mud he was sure covered his Taurus.

  Lance jumped involuntarily when something banged the top of his car. He jerked

  his eyes to the left and saw Buddy's toothy grin through the side window.

  "See if you can back that thing up to the RV," Buddy shouted.

  "That's one of many things I can't do," Lance said after rolling down the

  window. "This is my first and last experience with a trailer."

  "Then get out and let me do it," Buddy replied as he opened the driver side

  door.

  Reluctantly Lance stood aside in the drizzle and meekly followed on foot as

  Buddy expertly maneuvered the trailer to the far side of the cabin. The rain

  stopped as abruptly as it began.

  "Ain't that a nice RV?" Buddy said as he extracted his bulk from the Taurus.

  It did look new, but was smaller than Lance expected.

  Buddy grinned proudly. "Me and the boys got right much more done this week than

  I expected," he bragged. "'Course, we cheated a little. We ain't exactly the

  church goin' kind, so we worked all day Sunday. You now have power, a new septic

  tank, a new well with thirty feet of water, and the RV is all hooked up and

  ready for you."

  "The front porch is gone."

  Buddy nodded. "Weren't much worth savin'. We'll replace it with treated lumber.

  It'll look fine once it weathers a little. How do you like your new roof?"

  Lance glanced at the dull silver metallic covering. "Are you going to paint it?"

  "Don't need painting unless you don't like the color. I reckon we could paint it

  green or barn red, but I'd leave it if I was you."

  "Who belongs to all these cars?"

  "The guys that are working for us. We should finish the wiring today, but we

  just started on the plumbing."

  "Are these people licensed?"

  "I'm licensed, and I'm overseeing their work. It's all legal."

  "You are a licensed plumber and electrician?"

  "Surprised, ain't you?"

  A wolf whistle interrupted the conversation and Lance's eyes followed the sound

  to the open RV door and Toni's smiling face and twinkling eyes.

  "Buddy, get a load of those legs," she said.

  Lance blushed noticeably as he looked at the pale skin showing below his shorts.

  He gazed at the incredible beauty before him just as the sun broke through the

  clouds. She was wearing a hunter green golf shirt, cutoff jeans and dull brown,

  but clean, brogans. Her tanned legs were incredible.

  Buddy elbowed him in the ribs and whispered, "You gonna stand there drooling all

  over yourself or have a look at your new home?" In his normal voice he

  continued, "I didn't get the RV hooked up until last night. Toni spent the

  morning cleaning it up for you."

  The ear-piercing scream of a power saw cut through the air. "Looks like my hands

  have gone back to work," Buddy said. "I reckon the boss ought to join them."

  "God, you're beautiful," Lance said as he climbed the steps to the RV and

  wrapped his arms around her. "I missed you."

  She pulled his arms free. "You take off those muddy shoes," she scolded,

  ignoring his compliment. "You're not going to track up my clean floors."

  He obeyed and entered the RV in his stocking feet.

  "The RV is new," Toni explained, "but it has been sitting behind Mr. Moser's

  house for nearly a year. It was filthy."

  "It's kind of small."

  "It's an RV, for crying out loud. What did you expect?"

  He laughed. "I don't know. I've never been inside one before."

  "Well," she grinned as she gestured towards the front of the vehicle, "behind

  the driver and passenger seats is your combination living room and dining room."

  She reached up, causing her shirt to cling tightly to her breasts and unsnapped

  a catch. "The dining room table pulls down like this." She stabilized the legs

  and turned to her right. "Here's your stove and sink and across from it is the

  pantry and refrigerator." She opened the top compartment. "It even has a little

  freezer for ice cubes and not much more," she joked.

  Lance followed as she moved towards the rear. "This is the bedroom. I hope you

  have sheets and pillows."

  He nodded affirmatively.

  She opened a narrow door in back of the bedroom, bowed and swept her hands

  towards the opening. "And here is the king's throne and shower."

  She looked at him curiously. "I thought you'd be pleased."

  "I am," he said. "I mean, it's nice and it is certainly clean. I'm sure I can

  safely eat off the floors, but it's so tiny. Where will I put all my computer

  equipment?"

  Her full eyebrows crinkled towards the bridge of her nose. "I've been thinking

  about that. I have a spare bedroom you can use at my place. We'll cram your

  computers and furniture in somehow."

  "I don't have any furniture except for my computer desk," he explained. "I've

  always rented furnished apartments."

  "Then we have it made," she said as she held up her hand for a high five.

  As he slapped her hand, he grinned appreciatively. "I could kiss you," he said.

  "Who's stopping you?"

  He crushed her in his arms and, as his hands traveled the curve of her spine he

  pressed his lips to hers and parted her moist lips with his eager tongue.

  Her strength surprised him as she shoved him away. "I � I thought you meant a

  peck on the cheek."

  Embarrassed, all he could think of was to mutter, "Sorry."

  "Look,
" she said as she tried to calm down, "your shoes are already muddy. Put

  'em on and unload your car and U-Haul. I'll try to find a place for everything."

  For the next thirty minutes, amid the sound of power tools and male shouts and

  laughter, Lance carried his possessions to the RV door for Toni to drag inside.

  "You have more clothes than Wal-Mart," she joked when he delivered the final

  box. "Now, take off your shoes and let's find a home for all your stuff."

  "I'd rather see what has been done in the cabin first, if you don't mind."

  "I do mind," she replied, pretending to pout. "My mama always told me to

  complete one project before starting another. Once we have the RV squared away,

  I'll take you on a tour of the cabin. Then you are going to buy me supper at the

  diner. We'll end the day unloading your computers at my place."

  "Yes, ma'am," he said as he sat on the steps to remove his shoes.

  "Wow," he said when he saw how crowded the RV was. "Will we ever find a place

  for everything?"

  "Trust me," she grinned. "Uh, Lance, could I have a beer?"

  He tried to look serious as he said, "I don�t want to set a bad example for the

  help, but I won't tell if you won't."

  "Mum's the word," she said and she opened the refrigerator door.

  He opened boxes and marveled at her ability to find room for their contents.

  "Toni," he said as they continued to work, "Buddy said you lost your job a

  couple of weeks ago. I can't imagine anyone firing you."

  She laughed. "It wasn't like that. For several years, I worked at the Hanging

  Rock Bed and Breakfast. It's a couple of miles from Flint's Grocery. The owner

  closed the place. He said there were not enough customers." She shook her head.

  "The place was crowded the four summers we were open. The poor guy is henpecked.

  The truth is, his wife hated the place and made him close it. If I had the

  money, I'd buy it in a heartbeat."

  "What did you do?"

  "It might be easier to tell you what I didn't do."

  She placed the last pair of his socks in a drawer and pulled a pair of jockey

  shorts from the suitcase. She looked at it and dropped it on the bed. She pulled

  out a second pair and studied it. "How did you manage to stretch the crotch of

  your underwear so much?" she asked innocently.

  His face glowed as he turned his eyes away from her.

  "Oh," she said. "Uh, let's see. What did I do at the bed and breakfast? I was

  the maid, keeping all the rooms clean with fresh linens on the beds and towels

  in the bathrooms. I washed those linens and towels and the tablecloths from the

  dining room. I set up the dining room every day and was the waitress. I did some

  of the cooking and, oh yes, I kept the lawn mowed."

  He laughed. "What did the owner and his wife do?"

  She chuckled. "Not much, come to think of it."

  "Want another beer?" he asked.

  "One's my limit � and yours too."

  "What do you suggest we do with all these empty boxes?"

  "Save them for the move to the cabin."

  "Save them where?"

  She laughed. "I think I forgot to tell you there is a storage area in back of

  the RV. You get to it from the outside."

  They flattened the empty boxes and, after he put on his shoes, she helped store

  them away, being very careful where she stepped.

  "See you in the morning about seven thirty," Buddy shouted as he led a dozen men

  from the cabin. "We've had it for today."

  Toni waved as Lance looked at his watch. "I didn't realize it was getting so

  late."

  "We have plenty of time. The diner doesn't close until eight. What is it � five,

  five-thirty?"

  "Quarter to six."

  She smiled at him.

  "What is it?"

  "I hate that we worked all afternoon in the air-conditioned RV. I miss seeing

  that magnificent chest of yours." She grabbed his hand. "Come on. It�s time for

  the cabin tour."

  I wish she'd quit sending mixed signals, he thought as they walked the temporary

  plank to the front door of the cabin.

  "That's a motley looking crew Buddy has working for him � shaggy hair, pony

  tails, untrimmed beards and every one of them has a beer gut."

  "They're Buddy's pool hall friends. Don't worry. They're doing a good job.

  You'll see."

  "What I see," Lance said as he paused to allow his eyes to adjust to the reduced

  lighting, "is beer bottles and cans littering the floor."

  "So, the guys enjoy a cold one once in a while. So do you."

  Toni led him through the house, pointing out the newly installed electrical

  outlets and switches, and the gutted downstairs bathroom.

  "At least it doesn't stink anymore," he said.

  She led him into the study and proudly pointed out the array of outlets in every

  wall. "I told them you would have many electrical devices plugged up in this

  room, so they ran three circuits. You should never have an electrical overload."

  "I heard power tools running all day, but I don't see any evidence of their

  use."

  She sighed and knelt beside an outlet. "Look closely, Lance. See how the outlets

  are mounted flush with the log? They have to cut holes into the log for the

  outlet boxes and then drill holes downward to install the conduit. They could

  have just slapped everything up on the outside of the wall, but that would have

  been tacky. They're doing a quality job for you, Lance."

  "I admit I don't know much about this sort of thing. Have they done any work

  upstairs?"

  "Yes, and you must make a decision." She led the way up the steps and Lance

  noticed there were no longer any persimmon branches poking through the window at

  the landing.

  "Along with the others, I worked my tail off up here," she said. "As you can

  see, we've pulled all the plaster off the walls and ceiling, but we were not

  able to scrape it all off the logs. It will take an eternity, but the logs can

  eventually be sanded clean."

  "What is the option � more plaster?"

  She shook her head. "I wouldn't advise plaster. You can use ceiling tiles and

  wallboard or wood shingles."

  "I don't know, Toni," he said, picking at a clinging chip of plaster with his

  thumbnail. "Wallboard will destroy the rustic look and I just can't picture

  shingles used for ceilings and walls. How long to you think it will take to sand

  all the plaster off?"

  "My guess is two good people can complete a room in three days."

  "Hmm. There are six bedrooms, a walk-in closet, a bathroom and the hallway �

  call it nine rooms. That's twenty-seven days. Figure an eight-hour day for two

  people and we're talking about four hundred thirty-two hours. I don't know what

  Buddy is paying these jerks, but we're obviously looking at a sizable chunk of

  change."

  "He's paying this jerk ten dollars an hour."

  "Hey, I didn't mean � "

  "I know you didn't."

  "At ten an hour, that's less than five thousand. I think it's worth it. I can

  cut the cost in half if I man a sander."

  "What about your computer business?"

  "I can let that go for a while."

  She smiled at him, reached for his right hand and examined the smooth flesh.


  "Have you ever put in a full day of manual labor?"

  He shook his head. "You don't think I can take it?"

  She shrugged her shoulders and grinned wickedly. "There's only one way to find

  out."

  Lance did not want to unhook the U-Haul, so they took her ancient Plymouth to

  the diner.

  "This thing purrs like a kitten," Lance commented.

  Toni nodded. "Buddy looks after it for me."

  Lance braced his feet against the floorboard, wishing she would slow down.

  "Buddy is a mystery to me. He's admittedly the town drunk and yet he's a

  contractor, electrician, plumber and mechanic."

  "He's an excellent carpenter, too."

  "I just don't get it. Why would a man with so many talents waste his life inside

  a bottle?" He noticed the expression on her face suddenly becoming serious.

  "Something � something happened a few years back. It left him with a 'what's the

  use' attitude. He's a nice guy when you get to know him, but then, you already

  know that."

  "I do?"

  She nodded. "You took him at his word that he can pull off this expensive

  remodeling job. You didn't even ask for references."

  "Let's get something straight here. It is your word I relied on � not his."

  She smiled as she pulled into the diner parking lot. "You didn't ask me for

  references either."

  Customers greeted Toni and ignored Lance, even when Toni introduced him. They

  settled in a back booth and studied the menu.

  "What do you recommend?"

  "I'm going to have the open faced roast pork sandwich and a house salad," she

  said.

  "The pork sounds good, but I've never been much of a rabbit."

  "Try the salad. You won't believe it. Skinny shreds lettuce into noodle sized

  pieces and soaks them in ice water, making them nice and crisp. After he fills a

  bowl, he adds his special dressing � a vinegar and oil mixture with tiny pieces

  of onion, tomato, bell pepper and celery. It's out of this world."

  "Skinny?"

  "The restaurant owner." She giggled. "I have no idea what his real name is."

  "I'll try anything once," he laughed as the waitress approached.

  "Don't add salt," Toni warned when the teenaged waitress served their meal.

  "Skinny salts everything while cooking and, trust me, a little pepper is all you

  need to add."

  "Mmm. The salad is good," Lance said, digging into the brown soup bowl for a

  second bite.

  "Would I lie to you?"

  He smiled and used his fork to cut into the gravy covered roast pork. "Toni, why

  haven't I heard of you before?"

  She giggled. "We just met, silly."

  He shook his head. "That's not what I mean. The estate lawyer told me about

  Buddy renting one of the tenant houses. He didn't mention you. Last week I went

  back over all the paperwork. There is no record of you renting the other house."

  "It has to come out sooner or later," she said as she toyed with her food. "I

  suppose now is as good a time as any."

  "I � I'm not asking for back rent or anything like that, Toni. I'm just

  curious." He looked at her expectantly.

  "I'm going to give you the short version of the story, but first you must

  understand that you dad was a wonderful man."

  "That's debatable."

  "What?"

  "Mom died in childbirth. He never forgave me. He was always pushing me to be

  something I wasn't. I never pleased him � not once. When I went to college at

  Texas Tech I never came back."

  "Still, he left you his fortune."

  He smiled. "The estate wasn't that big, but it was a surprise to learn he left

  everything to me."

  "You never saw him again after you went away to college?"

  "We wrote occasionally and when I moved to Winston and later to Charlotte we

  talked on the phone a few times. When he suffered the stroke, the hospital

  called and I went to see him then. I was sitting at his bedside when he died."

  "Did you � did you get things worked out?"

  He shook his head sadly. "We both pretended there was nothing wrong."

  She reached across the table and placed her hand on his. "That's so sad."

  "We are off the subject," he reminded her.

  Toni nodded and sipped her iced tea. "My dad died in Vietnam."

  He looked into her sad blue eyes and wanted desperately to hold her. "I'm sorry,

  Toni."

  "Your dad was an angel. He was so concerned for mom and me. When dad was